par·ent :/ˈperənt/- a person who brings up and cares for another.
My definition of a parent is someone that raises and supports you no matter what. Through thick and thin they are always there to love and support you. Maybe I am wrong about that. My mother once told me that I had ‘an unrealistic expectation of what families are’. Now please tell me if the following list is unrealistic.
- Either one or both parents attending various school activities. They don’t have to go to every single one.
- Family dinners. Not everyday but once in awhile would have been nice.
- Meeting siblings that I didn’t even know I had until I was 12.
- Spending quality time with parents, not just buying us thing to show us love.
- Saying ” I love you.” and “I’m proud of you.” without being told to.
Unrealistic? I don’t think so, but that’s just my opinion. Please leave a comment and tell me I am being ridiculous about this if you think I am.
Now, I have accepted the way my family is. It’s been about 21 years with them and they are not going to change just because I want us to be better. The only thing I can do know is be better for my family, if I ever have one.
You don’t ever have to be like your parents. If anything, my parents showed me how I should not raise children and how I shouldn’t behave towards people. I know every situation is different, but looking at a bad examples can be the most useful tool in what to do right. Being better than your parents isn’t a crime, it should be the goal.
I don’t hate my parents, at all. In a way, I feel sorry for them because they were so twisted up in their own lives and finances that they missed out on the amazing relationship we could have had. I look at all the things that they purchased and gave to me and none of it really matters. In my eyes, this doesn’t make them love me anymore. They just needed a visible way to measure the love they gave me so they could pat themselves on the backs’ and say “Good job!”
I forgave my parents long ago for the people they are.
It’s the best healing you can do for yourself. Holding on to the anger and the disappointment will do nothing for you. It will just drag you down and you might become the person you never wanted to be. I learned from a young age what kind of person I wanted to be and knew I didn’t want to end up like either of my parents. In a sense, I am lucky. Without them, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. That doesn’t excuse the things I had to deal with them growing up and I don’t thank them for it.
I became my own person and my own supporter.
I’m not saying to cut your parents off, but if that’s what it takes to heal than be my guest and do it.
Be your own hero,
Type ya later.
P.S. One day I’ll blog about the issues of my family, but that is a process. So stick around if you want to hear more.